This Sucks.

Honestly, I  can't remember where I took this photo. But this phenomenon is getting added to the Bathroom Pet Peeves list. 

While I can understand that some establishments have space issues, this is bogus. Who wants to work at a place where they're belongings sit in a locker in the same room where strangers shit? That's far less than ideal. 

Please, unknown-establishment, move the lockers. I'm just saying, it verges on a worker's comp hazard. One of your employees might come down with something. It just isn't sanitary. 

Medley of Berries (my balls)

At the car wash at Alvarado and Sunset today, I sadly had to pee. I thought about trying to hold out until I got home, but I'd been suckered into the up-sell on the car wash, so I knew it was gonna' be a few. 

To be honest, the bathroom wasn't even worth reviewing. Not disgusting, not clean. Nothing shocking, just sincerely not worth pulling my iphone out of my purse for pics. 

Except... this soap. 

Nothing super crazy about it, except the fragrance, "Medley of Berries". 

Um, ewwwwww. 

Reminds me of one of the nasty synthetic car smells they offered at the very establishment this was in. Strange... what's the deal? 

For future reference, never buy "Medley of Berries" hand soap. It smells like balls. Also, if you're smart (and a Jew like me is), always opt for the "new car" air freshener if they insist. 

Word. 

Gilbert's El Indio Restaurant, Santa Monica

Much like the name of this restaurant, I found this bathroom confusing. Kind of delightful, but baffling nonetheless. Mostly, it was the art. What went down? Who chose this mish-mosh? 

Yeah, those pictures were interesting. And then these fake flowers... 

And then... dear god! What IS that??? 

Sure, it's interesting. In a museum. Not in the bathroom. That made me uncomfortable. I felt like this creepy lady with the giant bat in the cave was staring down at me while I was washing my hands. Um... yes? Excuse me. 

I did think the tile was nice. Yeah, that was about it. 

I don't even know how to rate this bathroom. . As you can see, I was so distracted by the "art" that I don't remember if there was good toilet paper, or soap, or if it was clean. Basically, I was just trying to pee and get the fuck out of there. For that reason, I'll give it a D. Just wanting to get the fuck out of there is not a good sign. 

Luckily, I didn't have to take a shit. That would have been too much for this Jew. 

Bathroom Attendants... Naw.

Just a little poll... bathroom attendants... Yay or nay?

I'll tell you, I'm a solid NAY. First of all, it's straight up awkward. The eye contact is awkward, the handing me the paper towel is strange... and all the goodies... cigarettes, perfume, candy, gum, spray-on deodorant, tampons... whoah. It's a lot of stuff.

I have to commend bathroom attendants, though, they have thought of everything,and a few things have come in handy (tampons... cigs for sure). But still, it doesn't excuse the sheer ridiculousness of there being someone in the bathroom to help a mo'fucka'. I mean, if you can't handle your shit on your own- washing your hands, powdering your nose, etc.- then you are a far higher brow Jew than I. (Wow, I can't believe I just admitted that there are higher brow Jews than me... it feels so wrong...)

And the tipping. I just don't have the etiquette down. Do you tip if you don't take any gum or cigs? Because call me a Jew, but I don't want to tip just because somebody handed me some paper towel. Sure, it's a nice thing to do, but I don't really feel like I got a service. Is that bogus? Does that make me an asshole? The truth is that usually I don't tip the first time, but the second time I'm in there I make sure to have a dollar bill. Why is that? Oh, yeah, guilt. The emotion that the bathroom attendants count on to do their biz. Right?

And finally, the most awkward part of all... shitting. It's straight up impossible if there's a bathroom attendant. Who is going to come in, smile politely and say hi, and then drop a giant douce? Not me, my friend, not me. And I'm the least shy person about public crapping of anyone I know. The thing is, there's a difference between public crapping when randoms are in the bathroom and you don't have to make eye contact with them afterwards (just come out of the stall with a sly smirk on your face and act like nothing happened, like I do). It's impossible to do it and then have to make eye contact and thank someone for handing you a paper towel. I'd be tempting to say,

"Thanks for the paper towel... and for not shaming me about that stank ass crap I just dropped that will likely linger for quite a while... sorry...".

Yeah, no thanks. Even I'm not that bold.

(cross posted on Shady Sadie)

Bathroom Blog Travel: Experimental Station, Chicago

Attending an event at The Experimental Station on the south side of Chicago this past weekend, I had the joy of using their interesting bathroom. Though not a onesy (my fave), it had many amenities worth mentioning. 

Call me a hippie (go ahead), but I love the earthy quality of the wood in this bathroom. Big, solid, somewhat unfinished wood doors make up the two stalls, which added a classy back woods feel to this south side establishment. 

I mean, really, isn't that lovely? Not only are these doors pretty, but the architechs of this loo had the sense to fashion the doors with a sturdy, easy to maneauver sliding bolt lock. Ahhh... secure privacy. Ain't nuthin' like it! 

Sitting on the toilet I noticed the non-traditional toilet paper holder: 

Interesting... I was skeptical at first, thinking that in the age of swine flu this might not be the most sanitary of ways to access your wipeage. But, it seemed cleanly. I was down with it, especially when I came back later in the night and someone had filled that basket with three rolls. I like having options (as arbitrary as that option was). 

This is where it gets super hippy. This bathroom was stocked with Seventh Generation toilet paper. That's right, the expensive shit from Whole Foods. Wowza. My vagina felt special. Although... to be honest, my vagina still prefers Contonelle, it's just straight up softer, though recycled it surely is not. 

Also, that little hutch thing doubled as a great place to put my purse and dig for things in the privacy of the spacious stall. 

I thoroughly enjoyed this bathroom. I was at this venue for several hours, and it remained clean and stocked, an absolute must. I'd say it's a high B+. 

(I'm feeling a little protective of my A's these days...)

Skylight Books

Dude, I hate to do this. I really do. In fact, I took these pictures months ago, and have been waffling about whether to post them ever since.  

Here's the deal: I LOVE Skylight Books. It's the best bookstore in LA- and this coming from a bookstore nerd. I get so excited about bookstores that I have all of their bathrooms memorized. Know why? Because every time I go into a bookstore I get so giddy that I immediately need to take a shit. That's right, I'm telling you that again (in case you forgot, or just started reading this blog). 

I swear. Bookstores give me colon spasms. Then I poop in their bathrooms. I think that's why I became so judgmental of bathrooms... In fact, I'm pretty sure this entire blog idea hatched in the bathroom at Skylight.... 

So, here it is. And I apologize to my friend who may or may not manage the store. You know how I feel about you, man. 

Let's start with the view from the toilet... Exhibit a... taped up labor law posters all over the back of the door. Really? There wasn't another spot for those somewhere? Does this bathroom double at the employee break room?

Exhibit b... HUGE scary ladder right at the base of your feet while you take a shit. Um, no thank you. And I'm pretty sure after all that labor law reading I did that this is a violation of safety standards. I predict a worker's comp claim any day now... 

Exhibit c... Um, janky garbage, mop bucket, and I'm sorry, is that a folding chair? It's been a while now... but that shit was too much. You guys just did an expansion of your bookstore and you couldn't take care of this? Come on, now. 

Exhibit d... Well, this is the lucky break. The toilet is clean. I'll give you that much (and a sneak peek at my pee mid-flush there). 

So, I have to do it. I have to rate it. I really don't want to, but I'm gonna'. I'm giving it a straight C-. And listen, I think that's generous. Not only did I feel slightly unsafe due to the ladder, but I failed to take a picture of the second door to the bathroom. 

Number one rule of the onesy pubic bathrooms... NEVER two doors. It's makes shitter's uneasy. 

Oy, I feel dirty after reviewing this bathroom. Dirty in my soul. 

Fix Coffee in Echo Park

I love this bathroom, and  have been meaning to post on it for a while. I finally got in there for some pics on Friday. First of all, it's always clean. I used to frequent Chango, another Echo Park coffee shop, but I've moved on to Fix because it's just far superior. Coffee is better, the people are nicer, and the outdoor seating is just quaint and fab. Good people watching, too. 

They have a few things in this bathroom that really set it apart. Look above, and notice what's on the paper towel dispensor? Yeah, that's lotion. That's really nice for those of us that wash our hands several times a day, because we get dried out. And for those of you who don't wash your hands several times a day- you're disgusting. Lotion. Sweet perk. 

Now, you might be thinking to yourself that this bathroom doesn't look like much, but it's actually glorious. These photographs don't really do it justice. But check out this floor, it's so lovely: 

It does kinda' make your eyes feel funny, so don't stare at it to long, but it's one of those bumpy cool floors that makes you want to take your shoes off and walk on it barefoot. Of course, please don't, this is a bathroom after all. 

Now, before you get too dizzy, distract yourself with this: 

That's right, Cottonelle wipes. Oh, my, god. You really raised the bar, Fix. You know what's up. Sometimes first thing in the morning, after you've checked your email and had that first cup of strong coffee- you just need to take a giant shit. And sure, sometimes it's a little messy. What's the best way to clean yourself up and get that freah-and-so-clean-clean feeling again? Cottonelle wipes. Wow, I've never seen these in a public bathroom of any kind before, so I am seriously impressed (and clean). 

Lastly, the toilet comes out of the wall, and I dig it. Yeah, it's bizzare, but design wise it's really fab.  This bathroom gets a straight up A+ from me. Thank you, Fix. Thank you very much.